It's pretty amazing what you can do with just a smile and a wave. Yet some people choose to go around fucking up other people's day.

Oh well, gotta focus on the good people.

Hate

I confess, I'm still bitter over what you did. I know it's bad to have so much hate in me, but in reality, the hatred is just to mask the fear and sadness that I feel. And so, I will continue to hate you, because I'm not strong enough to move on without this hatred.

Looking Back

Looking back, I have definitely changed a lot. I guess cataloging my thoughts down in a blog ain't such a bad idea after all, it really shows how much I've grown. Maybe I should start doing it again.

Been awhile since I last had trouble sleeping :/ This could've been a whinny post complaining about the hardships of insomnia and depicting each of them in detail (about how lost I am and how lonely & bored I am at this moment). But then I remembered, doing that knowing that you might read this post would be like doing the moonwalk in front of Michael Jackson; you know best how insomnia feels like.

Ergo, I'm going to write about something that's going through my mind right now instead. You say you are good at nothing, that is a total lie. You're unbelievably good at making me want you. Remember when we kiss at our 'not so secret' secret spot? How you are always the 1st to pull away? You make me feel like I want you too much.....and that just makes me want you even more. I think of you like how you think of your bed when you don't get to sleep for 2 days straight (*for the record, I have only been kept awake for 1 day straight, as far as I can remember). & it feels good to want something so much........

xoxo LOVE YOU COLOURFUL

Restrain

Yea... I suppose I could use a little restrain.

Pain is universal & no one is immune to it, no matter how convincing the smile they wear is.

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt." - Augustus Waters, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

Schadenfreude

Everybody has their own shit to handle, that's for sure. I just hope not everybody likes schadenfreude.

These fragmented lines that keep appearing in my head, they truly are stars that I can't fathom into constellations. ✨

You had your wishes but you threw them away
It made you happy yeah for more than one day
But now you're lost and cannot figure a way
To get out of this lie that comforts you

“All she knew for sure was that right here and now, she was falling hard and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way.”

It occurred to me that all the wise words that can be said have already been said.

A place to hide

So you actually have some where to hide huh?

Isn't it strange, that it's always the truth that seems the most suspicious.

Crying

Now I know why I wasn't able to cry that time.

Because crying was me plus tears,

but that thing.... that was me minus something.

The reason for my happiness and my sadness is the same.

Isn't that what you meant?

When you say that you have no reason to be happy,

and that everytime you are happy you get sad again.

I understand that.

 

Stay

I told myself no matter how hard you pushed me away, I'd stay.
But is this right?

I don't know.

I just want to stay, 

until the day when I have no energy to stay anymore.

Comet

I looked up at the night sky alone and watched a comet
But in an instant it burst and disappeared
When I think of you my heart aches
I want to see you right now, but I can’t fly through the sky

So if I could become a comet
I’d fly through the sky to you

If I could become a comet
I’d bathe you in light all the time
You look up at the night sky whenever you’re sad
I want to shine more to make you smile

But I can't

 

I see

"I see."

这句话让你觉得我在藐视你的感受吗？

感觉像是在轻描淡写的带过你的烦恼吗？

如果是这样， 真是对不起了。

我没那个意思，

也没想过那么简单的两个不带任何贬义的字会加重你的不良情绪。

如果连偶尔的关心都让你反感，

那我是不是该不闻不问呢？

你就继续这样吧

你就继续这样吧，

继续让我觉得恶心。

若要人不知，除非己莫为。

你真的以为我会不知道你在干嘛吗？

算了，一个巴掌拍不响，

既然有人附和你，

那就继续上演你的贱人秀吧。

没什么

我为什么那样？

其实也没什么，

只是你转过头来的时候特别迷人而以。